Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
