Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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