Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
