I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
