Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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