Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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