dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
