It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
