Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
