I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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