I love black thongs
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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