I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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