Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
