Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize