Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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