i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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