She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
