the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Terrible idea I love it
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
