I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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