remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
