ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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