she was so not down for the gang bang
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
