I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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