I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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