i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize