But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
