I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize