I'm so fucking centered right now
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
