I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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