Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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