Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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