nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I came so hard my ears popped.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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