My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
