i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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