Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
