I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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