Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
