Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
