I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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