Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize