I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
