Cold hands, warm shart.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
