whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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