Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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