Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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