His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
