is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
