please come you make the beer taste better
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
