no, he came in my armpit
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
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