he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Randomize
