A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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