so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
