Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
