i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
