i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Is it penis luge time yet?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
