No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
The best revenge is premature balding
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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