i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
