Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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