just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
