I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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