she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
we're so committed to being not committed
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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