Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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