and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
