I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
