grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
