you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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