I think I died a long time ago.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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