you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
