Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
