I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
