Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
