He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
